Magazine: Vegetarian Times, May 1998 VEGGIE SINGLES FILE ------------------- There's a new dating trend for people looking for love but tired of hitting the same old circuits. The red, white and blue glow of the Empire State Building illuminated the frigid February air, holding out the promise of the American dream. While I certainly don't take my inalienable rights for granted, the dream of this American includes more than just a white picket fence. It also involves 2.5 kids scarfing down tofu franks at a backyard barbecue headed up by my own virile, veggie husband. I am single. I am 30. I am ready to settle down with the elusive Mr. Right. Toward that end, I attended a Vegetarian Singles Valentine's Party in the Shadow of the famous architectural landmark. As I approached my destination, odd thoughts ran through my head: Would I be ostracized for my leather boots? Or shunned for my occasional consumption of fish? As I entered the nondescript midtown-Manhattan building, I fell in with an eclectic mix of gray-haired, middle-age suburbanites and shaggy-haired, youthful hippie types, all heading toward the same elevator. My heart leapt with anticipation. Maybe I will meet someone at the dance, I thought. LOVE AT FIRST BITE Finding your soul mate is never easy. But when the thought of kissing a carnivore is an automatic deal-breaker, you narrow the playing field considerably. Lige Weill isn't a statistician, but as head of the Vegetarian Awareness Network, a Knoxville, Tenn.-based referral agency, he's well aware of the numbers: "Only about 1 percent to 7 percent of the population define themselves as vegetarian. So if you're trying to hook up with people who eat mostly plants, you're already eliminating 95 percent of the population." The remaining 5 percent look for love much the same way everyone does, but they also zero in on holistic expos, natural food stores and veggie potluck dinners among friends. In the past few years. however, a new trend has emerged: social events catering to vegetarian singles. The dance I attended, which attracted more than 100 people, is just one example of a phenomenon that's, if not sweeping the nation, picking up steam. Living in New York, a city of 8 million souls, has its advantages: There are at least four groups here that regularly host such events: Big Apple Vegetarians, the Vegetarian Outings Committee of the Sierra Club, the Healing Connection and Veggie Singles News, which sponsored the dance. Arthur Goldberg, publisher of Veggie Singles News, is one of the pioneers of this new trend. The 55-year-old Goldberg, a former psychologist who used to perform animal experiments, is now a staunch vegan and animal rights advocate. His subscription magazine/dating service is the largest source of veggie personal ads in the country. Last winter, he began hosting smoke. and alcohol-free events for members. "There's a trend toward niche marketing in the singles scene," Goldberg explains. "There are groups for tall singles, book lovers, music lovers--and now vegetarians." While there were already several social groups in the area for vegetarians, Goldberg believed singles wanted one of their own. "The difference between going to a party and a singles event is that at the latter, you know people are available, so it's easy to approach them," he adds. SUCCESS STORIES New York is definitely leading the way, but other parts of the country are jumping on the bandwagon. Some large cities have dedicated veg- singles organizations; many vegetarian societies have subgroups for unmarrieds; and others hold special nights for those seeking a mate. Weill says that although most cities aren't large enough to support a stand-alone veggie singles group, the number of vegetarian organizations is growing, and their members are predominately single. In the '70s, there were less than a hundred, he says. Today there are more than 500 vegetarian groups, organizations and social clubs in the United States, with tens of thousands of members. Weill, a single fortysomething guy who's been a vegetarian for 20 years, says, "As vegetarian groups get bigger and more organized, we might see more subgroups for singles, even if it's not a big phenomenon yet." With so many levels of commitment, not to mention different types of vegetarians--ovo-lacto, macrobiotic, vegan, raw food enthusiasts, natural hygiene people, animal-rights activists--it can be tough ferreting out totally like-minded folks. But most groups are welcoming, inclusive and a great place to find people on basically the same wavelength. Then there are a lucky few, like Justin Rosenthal, who fulfill their dreams and find a life partner through group events. Rosenthal, co-founder of the 200-member San Francisco-based Bay Area Jewish Vegetarians, met his wife, Roxanne, at the group's Passover seder in 1990. A year later they were married. "I feel blessed that we met in such a friendly, warm environment," says Roxanne, a 37-year old attorney. "It was always my fantasy to find another vegetarian Jew. I knew that if I was going to find someone like that, it was going to be in the Bay area." Back on the East Coast, only two couples out of Goldberg's 12,000 or so clients have gotten hitched so far. Joseph and Beth Mucci, of Quincy, Mass., got engaged three months after meeting through his publication in 1995. Last August they wed in Vermont, where Beth grew up. Her mom, who founded the Vermont Vegetarian Society, made their vegan wedding cake. A mixed marriage of sorts, Joe, a 36-year-old carpenter, is a vegan for health reasons while Beth, a 29-year-old teacher, became vegan out of her love and respect for animals. Their meeting can only be ascribed to kismet. After his ad ran in Veggie Single News, Joe requested his photo back. Goldberg inadvertently sent him a picture of Beth. Liking what he saw, Joe called her immediately. On their first date, a stroll along Boston's romantic Charles River, they discovered they had the same favorite movie, "Gandhi." "If Joe and I just had vegetarianism in common it wouldn't have worked," says Beth, who tried the service at her mom's request. "I used to think vegetarian men were too thin, and Joe thought vegetarian girls were too granolaish. But when we met, we both thought the other looked pretty 'normal."' The couple's advice to other singles: Don't let stereotypes cloud your judgment and don't give up. VEGGIE NATION While vegetarians on the coasts have plenty of options (or, at least, some options>, finding veggie love in the Heartland can be a real challenge. Stephen Sheehan, 39, jokes that living in Omaha is like a fictitious "Twilight Zone" episode entitled "Escape from the Beef People." Explains Sheehan, who's lived in Nebraska most of his life, "Livestock ranchers here have political pull and influence. People look at meat as having royal status." Because there are few vegetarian events in the area, Sheehan admits he sometimes falls back on hanging out at bars and clubs. "Sometimes you have to step behind 'enemy fines' to meet someone," he jokes. In the hopes of meeting a woman who shares his beliefs, he joined Veggie Singles News a year ago. Though Sheehan has yet to meet his match, he feels it's been worthwhile because he's made new friends who support his dietary choices and alleviate his feelings of isolation. Sam Martin runs Vegetarian Singles and Others in Denver. Martin, who's been a vegetarian for 11 years, had to turn his back on his family's ranching tradition when he opted for a meatless diet. "It was burned into my brain that if I don't eat meat, I will die. But when I stopped eating meat, a strange thing happened. I got healthier. My blood pressure went down and I realized that what I was told my whole life was a lie." A 44-year-old management consultant, Martin lives in the mountains of Colorado Elk sleep in his yard, and vegetarians gather in his living room. His group meets monthly to go out to eat or Rollerblading. Some of the group's 75 members come from as far away as Cheyenne, Wyo. (100 miles to the north) and Colorado Springs (90 miles to the south). While plenty of friendships have been made, Martin admits that romance is not always on the menu. "We've created a community feel. We don't put ourselves out as a dating organization. We're all just vegetarian singles who have a lot in common and a lot to talk about." DIFFERENT STROKES Some folks may compromise on the diet front, but others refuse to date meat eaters, claiming their food choices make them an unappetizing selection for romance. Sky Solari, a 30-year-old vegan singer from Studio City, Calif., and a Veggie Singles News member, met a nice guy at a club but isn't sure it'll last. "He loves to eat veal and lamb, and I can't kiss him after he eats," says Solari. "I make him drink a lot of water and let a few hours go by before we get romantic." Vegan and animal-rights activist Joan Zacharias, a 40-year-old market researcher who founded the Sierra Club's New York City Vegetarian Outings Committee, contends that vegetarians have better bodies, more stamina and are better lovers. Her group, which grew from 12 members to more than 450 in a year and a half, holds monthly dining events at area restaurants and everyone--including carnivores--is welcome. Yet Zacharias freely admits that she is on a crusade to convert flesh-eating men into greens-loving guys. "A lot of men think meat is macho," she says, "but there is nothing sexy about clogged arteries." Zacharias is committed to teaching people that vegetarianism "is not a diet of denial; it's fun, erotic and full of joy." She and her 35-year- old vegan boyfriend, whom she met through the veg community, plan to launch a Vegan Sex Network that will hold bi-coastal food orgies with such sensuous samplings as chocolate-covered strawberries. HOME ALONE? There are still other options for those who don't live in an area with a veg-singles scene or can't get to events. Joan Goldstein ran the national group Conscious Singles Connection for "people on the path who find the bar scene barbaric" for seven years before closing its doors last December. Rising costs and shrinking profits led her to concentrate instead, on one-to-one counseling. "I act as a 'singles clearinghouse,"' Goldstein says. "I teach people how to meet someone and then refer them to groups all over the country." But her advice doesn't come cheap: The first one-hour session costs $95. For that money, clients are encouraged to make new friends--which can only help your social life, she stresses. One client followed that advice and struck up a conversation with a much-older man at a party. Upon discovering they lived near one another, she gave him a ride home. He was so appreciative that he introduced her to a younger friend of his whom she is still dating today. Goldstein also advises her clients to try new things, such as the Internet. "But don't just focus on chat rooms," she advises. "Join newsgroups related to topics that interest you. As you get to know people online, you'll get friendly. After all, the person you want to marry should be your best friend. For clients who already have enough friends and are just interested in finding a partner, she recommends visiting Vegmates.com or Cupidnet.com, which she calls "the site of all sites." (See page 68 for more resources.) OUR HEROINE GETS LUCKY It was with guarded optimism that I exited that elevator last Valentine's eve, paid my $20 fee and went in, ready to party. There was a dining area (with a ho-hum veggie buffet) and a dance floor with a worn tan carpet flanked by metal folding chairs. One brave couple danced to a radio while the D) set up. Men and women milled about wearing carrot pins and balloon hats. It wasn't exactly my scene, but, I reasoned, I could always eat my 20 bucks' worth. At the very least, the party was good for my ego. Men approached me in droves. One followed me around most of the night, another encouraged me to accompany him to a singles coffee bar, and a third tried to entice me with a book he'd written. We might have had our vegetarian diets in common, but sadly, that's all we shared. They say hope springs eternal, and that may be why I scanned the room one last time before leaving the dance. Just when I was about to call it a night, I spotted him: tall, fit, cute, with long golden hair. Figuring it might be my last chance of the evening, I approached. It didn't take long to discover we liked the same music, hated cigarette smokers--and we were neighbors) Even if we weren't destined to be soul mates, we might at least become friends. Sharing a cab downtown, we commiserated about the dance and the trials and tribulations of looking for lasting love. We agreed that while it may be one of life's greatest challenges, at least the odds can only improve as the veg-singles scene continues to gain ground. So the night wasn't a waste, after all. The dance gave me a chance to make a new friend, always a precious gift. And I can't help but hear my 70-year-old mother's voice echoing in my ears: "Maybe he's got a nice friend. Yuh nevuh know..." Guide to the Vegetarian Singles Scene National Veggie Singles News This magazine includes personal ads from vegetarians across the nation. (800) Win-Vegi. Concerned Singles For those who care about peace, social justice, civil rights, gender equity and preservation of our planet. Box 444-V5N, Lenox Dale, MA 01242; (413) 445-6309 Two-Fu Vegetarian Singles Connection Box 44305, Eden Prairie, MN 55344; (800) 241-5798. Vegetarian Awareness Network (Veganet) Educational organization that promotes vegetarianism and refers people to local groups. P.O. Box 321, Knoxville, TN 37901; 800-Eat-Vege. At the Gate For socially responsible singles interested in green living. P.O. Box 09506, Columbus, OH 43209; 76116.2241@compuserve.com Jewish Vegetarians of North America Promotes vegetarianism within the Judaic tradition and refers people to local Jewish veg groups in the U. S., Canada and Israel. (410) 754-5550. EarthSave For local chapter information: (502) 589-7676 By City ATLANTA Vegetarian Society of Georgia Holds potlucks with guest speakers. (770) 662-4019. Vegetarian Adventures Sponsors hikes, rafting trips, potlucks and other activities. (770) 242-4400. AUSTIN Vegetarian Network of Austin Meets the second Sunday of the month. (512) 896-5018 or (512) 473-5012 BOSTON Alternative List of Informal Boston Vegetarian Society Social and educational events. Call Evelyn: (617) 424-8846. VegOut Potlucks for gay and lesbian veggies. Call Rich: (617) 262-5761 Vegetarian Wanna Bees Potlucks, cooking demos and more for people who haven't fully given up meat. (617) 561-6315. Vegetarian Resource Center This think tank supports local vegetarian groups and keeps a list of vegetarian organizations and electronic media worldwide. i Plus monthly meetings at local restaurants. P.O. Box 381058, Cambridge, MA 02238; (617) 625-379D; info@vegetarian.org. Vegan Fridays Informal social group holds vegan potluck dinners. Call Richard: (617) 629-0336. BOULDER Vegetarian Society of Colorado Events throughout the state and newsletter. (303) 777-4828 CHICAGO Chicago Vegetarian Society Monthly dining events and newsletter. (773) 975-VEGY CLEVELAND Vegetarian Connection Monthly events. Call Rita: (440) 257-3404 LOS ANGELES Tea and Conversation Singles nights are held the second Saturday of the month at the Teahouse and Juice Bar 108:74 Kinross Ave. in Westwood Village; (310) 824-4284 Vegetarian Society Inc. Several chapters offer events for singles. P.O. Box 34427, Los Angeles, CA 90034; (310) 281-1907; info@veg-inc.org Vegetarian Dining Club Monthly vegan dinners and lectures. Randy Ellis is looking for people in San Diego and other areas to expand the organization. (800) 484-2587, code 3222. NEW YORK Veggie Singles News Monthly dances, parties and other events. Call Arthur Goldberg:, (800) Win-Vegi or (718) 437-0190; VeggieSingles@Juno.com Big Apple Vegetarians Monthly events including lectures, restaurant outings, yoga classes. Call Jean: (718) 855-6030. Sierra Club Local chapter has a Vegetarian Outings Committee sponsoring hikes, restaurant events and more. Call Joan: (718) 789-3386; joanze@surveys.com. The Healing Connection Weekly parties, cooking classes, dance lessons, massage parties and more for veggies. Call Robert Marcus: (212) 332-9094. CSC (Coaptation Singles Coaching) Formerly Conscious Singles Connection, it offers individualized courtship counseling. Call Joan Goldstein: (212) 462-9116; jgsoulmate@aol.com Rhio's Raw Foods Living food potlucks, classes and info. (212) 343-1152 VegOut Monthly potlucks for gay, lesbian and bi veggies and wannabes. (212) 802-8655. SAN FRANCISCO Sierra Singles Monthly events including hikes, movies, dinners. (650) 364-6521 Bay Area Jewish Vegetarians/ Bay Area Vegetarian Singles Informal meetings in restaurants with lectures on animal rights and health. (415) 664-5715; veganbob@juno.com San Francisco Vegetarian Society Meets the second Sunday of the month for lectures, potlucks and other events. (415) 273-LIV-1; sfvegsoc@vegan.org EarthSave Local chapter has three annual potlucks. 415-765-7665 or (415) 403-8057 S.F. LIFE Monthly potlucks with only raw vegan foods. (415) 751-2806. SEATTLE EarthSave Local chapter hosts potlucks the second Thursday of every month. Other events include hiking, cooking classes and movies.(206) 781-6602. Internet Vegetarian Pages Index to vegetarian resources on the Internet. http://www.veg.org/veg/ Veggies Unite Place personal ads and chat. http://www.@vegweb.com; veggie@vegweb.com Veg-Single Discussion group for vegetarian singles and others. Subscribe at jkovacs@fas.harvard.edu. The Regional Vegetarian Network Offers mailing and chat lists. Subscribe at Waste@waste.org with following command: subscribe veg-[your region]; or contact the Web page: www.waste.org/regveg Singles On-Line For all singles. (954) 423-3900; www.singlesonline.com DIAGRAM: Veggie Singles File ~~~~~~~~ By Evelyn Gilbert Evelyn Gilbert is a New York--based writer who recently started seeing a nice vegetarian guy. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Copyright of Vegetarian Times is the property of Cowles Magazines and text may not be copied without the express written permission of Cowles Magazines except for the imprint of the video screen content or via the print or download options of the EBSCO-CD software. Text is intended solely for the use of the individual user. Source: Vegetarian Times, May98 Issue 249, p66, 6p, 1 chart, 11c, 1bw. Item Number: 527751